The Bass List

  1. A trout can eat a mouse; a bass can eat a baby mallard
  2. If you hold a bass by the bottom lip and look straight down into his maw, you can pretend that you’ve just caught a small tarpon.
  3. I can have bass conversations with most of my neighbors.
  4. Kick boats have small carbon footprints.
  5. You’ll need a really big squeeze pump to find out what a bass has been eating.
  6. Bass flies and 12-pound leaders work well for those with sausage fingers and failing eyesight.
  7. I once sat through a green light during rush hour because there were dragonflies the size of grackles landing on the pond next to the intersection.
  8. On bass days I feed out of quick stops and drive-through windows.
  9. There are lots of words used to describe the way a bass eats a fly. “Sip” is not one of them.
  10. The closest bonefish to my house is 1,000 miles, but I’ve got bass within 100 yards.
  11. If you get really good at bass fishing you can win lots of money, but then you’ll be answering to folks that have likely never been off pavement.
  12. I know a guy who once joined a country club just for the fishing.

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