Every fisherman knows that when the camp dinner is done, the dishes clean and the fire stoked, it’s time for a treat. That means, to many of us culinary-inclined anglers, one thing: A box of Little Debbie’s sugar snacks. But not everyone in the family is equal. To ease your buying anxiety, here’s a breakdown of the entire crew. Print this out. It could save your fishing trip.
McKee Foods Corporation is a privately held company based in Collegedale, Tennessee. They have sold more than 157 billion Little Debbie snacks since 1960. If you lined up all those snacks, that would cover more than 9.9 million miles—enough to stretch to the moon and back more than 41 times. That’s a lot of snacks.
But not all Little Debbie’s are equal. When it’s time for your post-fishing, around-the-campfire treat you only want the best Little Debbie has to offer. Here’s a list of her 10 finest treats. Print this out. It could save your fishing trip.
- Oatmeal Creme Pies
The undisputed big daddy of the Little Debbie family, these delicious discs of awesome are good anytime, anywhere. Chewy, achingly sweet and remarkably durable—I’ve eaten an Oatmeal Crème Pie I found in the bed of my pickup truck hidden under snow chains and bottles of Fix-A-Flat. I’m sure it was there for years. It was delicious.
- Swiss Cake Rolls
After you’ve downed that first Swiss Cake Roll the fun really begins because it’s time to discover just how many ways you can eat a Swiss Cake Roll. You can unroll a Swiss Cake Roll and lick out all the gross and delicious crème on the inside. You can peel off the waxy chocolate and save it for later. You can stuff three or four in your mouth at once just to see how high you can get on sugar. The good times never stop with a box of Swiss Cake Rolls.
- Nutty Bars
The most versatile snack in the Little Debbie family, Nutty Bars are good for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Serious nutrition for serious fishermen. It’s also worth noting that Nutty Bars can be dunked in anything—chili, whisky, salmon dip, sriracha sauce—and always taste great. You could probably use one right about now.
- Salted Caramel Cookie Bars
Let’s imagine you are cooking a camp feast after a hard day’s angling. There is venison back strap on the grill. Idaho bakers are roasting in the fire. There is smoked salmon, baked beans and even something green. For desert, you want something just a bit more special than a Swiss Cake Roll. The Salted Caramel Cookie Bars will make you look like a sophisticated culinary genius.
- Strawberry Shortcake Rolls
This is basically a Swiss Cake Roll with fake strawberry goo substituted for the fake sugary crème. They are gross. They are also perfect.
- Devil Cremes
Two soft devils food caked blobs separated by a blob of creme and a gram of crack cocaine. Nothing fancy here, but one the open market, one Devil Crème is worth at least two Oatmeal Crème Pies.
- Star Crunch
I haven’t figured out exactly why, but a Star Crunch—rice crispy bits mixed with caramel and covered with chocolate—actually taste better old and stale. Star Crunch is also a pretty great band name.
- Mini Crunch Donuts
Outside of chicken fried steak with a side of biscuits and gravy, there is simply no better way to start a long, grueling day of fishing than with 12-15 Mini Crunch Donuts and an Irish coffee.
- PB Crunch
One pack of PB Crunch only has 290 delicious calories. Buy an entire pallet so you don’t run out.
- Chocolate Marshmallow Pies
I once fell asleep eating these delicious hockey pucks beside a roaring campfire. I woke up a few hours later, the pie still clutched in my paw. There was a raccoon coming straight for the pie and me. I fended him off with a sharp stick and ate the rest of the pie immediately. I felt like a Little Debbie superhero.